January 2012
“What makes you so strong.
He thought about it.
Lust he said.
You mean like...”
– anne carson, “xxiii. how rich a poor pleasure to a poor man” last night i made my way home intoxicated and read this poem over and over and there’s another part of it i want to quote, but i won’t because it’ll be taken the wrong way i know
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spite: stolen cinnamon stick lipstick smeared around the base of two cocks.
femmetronic asked: re: writing from spite, spite is the best motivator for anything. i strongly believe this. do it yaaay
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if i want to keep my job, i think i need to stop [only] talking about being a drunken slut, and also stop admitting i smoke to my smoking cessation study teammates. other things i need to do: stop eating so much candy, get a new pack of cigarettes and more seltzer water, read more, stop being a flake, stop moping, get back to writing because now it’s a spite thing, get my hair cut, wear...
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“It has been suggested that the practiced lesbian hand, in its agility and in its...”
– bertha harris , the joy of lesbian sex
clothedinsky asked: I love the quote you've placed under the bees.
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if i wanted to have sex with a man, i’d want to have sex with a chicago man. not the brooding white boys of wrigleyville who ask you about what you’re reading on the train (“dyke stuff,” eyes not lifting off the pages) or side up to you with self-conscious optimism, cub hats askew. i’m taking chicago men, such mass you’re pushed off the sidewalk by the sight of...
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i feel awful today. my head’s very heavy and my eyes are sour. i am very unattractive. i have small, healing tears all over my body where i’ve scratched, twisted, and flicked compulsively (hmm where did i get that awful habit from?) they look worse today, focused between my breasts. my hair looks like stained socks, it’s dry, yellow. i made coffee and showered three times to try...
maybe i just need to go to church.
“Play with yourself,” he said. “Stick your fingers in your...”
– mary gaitskill, two girls fat and thin
so i’m just going to be around all day until midnight when i can get my bag. i’m wearing a shirt and a headscarf and i have lines of makeup down my face but i don’t care enough to wash it. i’ll take a bath soon. i got drunk and missed...
“Justine walked out of the bathroom and down a long hall out an exit door into...”
– mary gaitskill, two girls fat and thin i don’t know if it’s a sign of pretentiousness or emotional instability that i have certain passages in books i need to read when i’m losing it, and i can find them easily because the pages are textured with dried tears and snot. hey chicago...
Age-Appropriate Sexual Behavior | Stop It Now →
this is really interesting.
some of these are true, some are not true, and some are kind of true. i ruin a relationship almost once a week and they’re usually my own. today i walked where i would normally take a bus and i thought about reasons why i should smoke more; i made a list in my head. i’ve never been with someone with pretty eyes. today i met a group of people that were like what i had hoped my...
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mindfuck
i’m going through old files and i found this thing i had written about luke and i years ago. i was nineteen when i wrote this i’m sure. it’s amazing because he doesn’t matter now, not the slightest; i can’t even remember his name more often than not. it’s amazing because if you just distort some details here and there, this could be anyone. what the fuck is my...
this is my favourite time of day because it’s so early, i woke up on my own, and am not tired. i am nestled up in my cramps and i think the snow dripping outside sounds like little teeth gnawing away. good morning.
you just can’t shut me up today. i started bleeding so i drew a bath. there are peculiarities about it — the bath doesn’t drain slowly, but it drains silently; the sunflower tile will probably be the last thing i see before i die; my roommate put down those mats that stop you from slipping and dying and every time i take it out the suction sound makes my organs contract like...
i have been in love so much more than i say. people want purity and i can’t give it to them between my legs but i can say, each time, “i’ve never felt this way before.” since i’m using names now i’m going to make this awkward for everyone. i can’t wait. i loved kate and gosh you know i still do. i loved zach the way i like to press at my bruises and make...
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Watchi didn’t want to type it out but it’s beautiful. excerpt from love invents us by amy bloom being read by me. i want to do this to certain men.
beauty beauty beauty
i just got into my building. finally. i don’t have my purse and don’t know if it’s in the possession of friend, foe, or sketchy night club. i should be more concerned than i am but i’ve been writing the rest of this in my head all night, so happily, not literally. she was the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen. i stared at her so brazenly, so awkwardly, during all...
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“a sad man and overshadowed. In the painful process of my self-discovery I want...”
– anne carson, “xxvii. husband: i am” from the beauty of the husband: a fictional essay in 29 tangos
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