some of these are true, some are not true, and some are kind of true.
i ruin a relationship almost once a week and they’re usually my own.
today i walked where i would normally take a bus and i thought about reasons why i should smoke more; i made a list in my head.
i’ve never been with someone with pretty eyes.
today i met a group of people that were like what i had hoped my college’s feminist collective would be. i hope i fall in love with one of them. she reminds me of emily, who never would have joined the feminist collective.
“You see the sun? — I built that.”
today when i was drawing up my bath i saw myself in the open medicine cabinet, with my hair slicked back in lotion to keep it blonde, my teeth capped in whitening shells, my eyes still made up (golden-green,) the appropriate bruises and scratches on the parts of my body that make it not mine, and the blood pooling at my ankles and smudged between my thighs, and i first saw why people wanted to have sex with me. i could see why people might love me.
i haven’t done so many things. i haven’t followed any passions.
my blood today was so red. it was book binding and boiled lobster and rose center and weed cherry and morning eyes but mostly it was red like blood, like how you think blood should be.
i have wanted to kiss more people, but not kissed them, than kissed or agreed to be kissed by people i wanted.
today was the worst day and it was the best day because i wanted so much for someone to nurse me and i tried to do it myself. clumsily, and inefficiently, but it was okay because i did try.
