She did what he said; she was wet, swollen, tender, and numb. She masturbated expertly and felt nothing. She was aware of her humiliation, but it was so far away and had so little to do with her that she couldn’t feel that either. Still, she clung to it fiercely, as if it were her only chance to feel…
They fucked touching as little as possible; he raised straight up on his arms, she with her legs wide apart and her arms flung open to grip the sheets in an anti-embrace. She closed her eyes and turned her head away from him, hurtling alone through her imagination, the furniture of her internal self smashing on impact…She imagined the warm piss of strangers between her legs and come running down her face. Split apart and boundary-less, she was sucked into the eye of the storm. She reached between her legs for some tiny memory of pleasure. She floated for a second of peace before she came as if she were being cut to pieces, her cunt and her heart utterly apart.
-
mary gaitskill, two girls fat and thin
so i’m just going to be around all day until midnight when i can get my bag. i’m wearing a shirt and a headscarf and i have lines of makeup down my face but i don’t care enough to wash it. i’ll take a bath soon. i got drunk and missed an interview at a restaurant and i am just exhausted. i know it’s so self-involved to think this, but every time i read the justine-focused passages in this book i feel like it’s written from exactly how i feel.
